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. a horrible day . . . pain and heartache.’ But there was no accusation, no finger-pointing, no recriminations. Just a bold, painful statement about how I hurt her then – and the knock-on affect for the rest of her life. Despite all that suffering, she’d been the one to bridge the years and renew our contact. And, even now, she said she liked hearing from me. Amazing! I shook my head and thought, yet again, about the remarkable love I had spurned. It was all so tormenting. I couldn’t help but wonder what might have been. How different would our lives have been? Hang on, Richard, here you go again. Don’t feel sorry for yourself – think about Gaynor. Think about what you did to her, not what you foolishly brought upon yourself. I stood up from my chair, picked up my empty brandy glass – and then put it down again. I walked along the corridor, peeked into the bedroom and saw Veronica was asleep. Downstairs I collected the brandy bottle and returned to my office where I poured a large. It is only when I finally get around to transforming it into a full-length fantasy that I finally flesh it out. If the fantasy is recent and still fresh in my mind, then I retell it mostly as it happened. If it is more ancient and somewhat faded, I let my imagination come up with the details surrounding the basic concept. As such, my fantasies are a blend of reality and fiction.This particular fantasy happened a few months ago. I had only just created my bucket list—for those of you who are unaware of this fact, I recently started doing all the things I told myself I would one day do, only to put them off over and over again—and one of the first items on the list was: Ride a horse.I have a vague recollection of riding a pony when I was a kid, but the instructor—if you can even call her that—basically walked alongside us, holding the reigns and leading me around the circular arena. This did not, in my opinion, count as riding a horse. I thus decided the time had finally come to really.
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